Chapter 11

 His new job took him to the West side of Auckland. It was the tough side of town, and he thought back to his early days working on the south side of Chicago. Working class people. Out of work people. Broken homes. He had done his best work there. Met his daughter there. Learned how to be a psychologist there. Even when he began receiving recognition he stayed there. They were his kind of people.

His first days on the job were interesting, challenging, and engaging. It had been years since he worked a full schedule as a therapist, and he found himself tired and drained at the end of the day, despite his best efforts. 

An additional portion of his job involved conducting couple’s counseling, which was something that had always been a bit of an Achilles heal in John’s work as a therapist. Most of his life he had avoided intimacy in his relationships, and sometimes had problems remaining patient with the banality of most marital issues. 

He looked through his notebook of handouts on the subject, and reviewed some of his standard thoughts he shared with most couples.

1. We accept the love we think we deserve.’ This idea (as quoted in “The Perks of Being a Wallflower) has been around for a while. If we have a low opinion of ourselves then we are likely drifting towards relationships that confirm this opinion.

2. "We train people how to treat us by what we allow, what we stop, and what we reinforce." Again, not a new idea, but a very important one. Did your partner make you feel bad about yourself? Make negative comments about your appearance? Say insulting things about your friends and family? If so it is up to YOU to draw the line in the sand about what you feel is appropriate. If you sit passively by you won’t change anything.

3. “When the student is ready, the teacher appears.” Taken from Buddhist thought, and suggestive of the idea that things come into our lives when we are ready for them. Have we recognized our own patterns of self-sabotage? How our own insecurities contribute to jealousy, tensions, and communication patterns? If we haven’t, then the end of a relationship gives us a chance to think about these things and work on them.

 He chuckled to himself as he read his own writing from many years past. All good pieces of advice. All often ignored by the countless couples he had seen over the years. All ignored in his own life for many years until he had finally met his wife.

But when the student is ready, the teacher appears. That one he could relate to. He was feeling ready again in his own life. Ready again for engagement, adventure, laughter, and romance. 

He was thinking about all of these things when he received a rather disturbing phone call later that afternoon. 

His dear friend Benny had been killed in a motorcycle accident.