Chapter 8

  After walking Amarita back to the hotel, he decided to return to the beach and take one final stroll to get his thoughts straight. It was dark and it was lonely, and right at this moment he could be making love to a beautiful woman if he had decided to make that choice. It hurt in that way only loneliness can. In the chest. In the heart. 

  He returned to the lighthouse at the end of the trail and stopped and considered the irony. A lighthouse, a lonely light in the middle of the darkness trying to provide light to those adrift at sea. It was his life. Except for a brief and fleeting period where he had grabbed some of the light for himself, it was his life. 

  And yet, it was undeniable that he had felt something in these moments with Amrita, and whatever it was, it was the feeling that made life worth living. He looked out at the great expanse of Ocean and down at the rocks so far down below. 

It reminded him of a time, many years ago in Chicago, long before he had even met his wife. Back when he was still drinking regularly and heavily. He was driving home from a bar, and all of a sudden had the strong and overwhelming feeling that life wasn’t worth living anymore. He had gunned his car across a red light, and narrowly missed the cars coming from each direction. It was the closest he had come to ending it all, but the thought had certainly crossed his mind again in these years following the loss of his wife. 

And now he looked down at those rocks and remembered how far he had come in those years. He didn’t want to jump now. He wanted to swim, to surf, to fly across that beautiful ocean and explore the mysteries of whatever it had to offer.

And in that moment he made a decision that he was ready to reengage with life. In every way there was. Love included.

He drove home the next morning and began packing his bags.