Prologue

He grabbed his leather bag and put on his suit jacket for the first day of his new professional life. The leather bag was a gift from his old mentor Dr. Paul, and he wanted to channel him as much as possible for his big first day as a psychologist in charge of supervision. He had learned almost everything he knew from the man, and he hoped he would be proud of his decision.

He walked into the office and saw his old friend from Piha, Natalie sitting at reception eating a jelly tip popsicle, an ice cream that was a New Zealand delicacy and one he had also learned to enjoy.

“A little early for ice cream isn’t it?” John asked with a smile.



“My Goodness doctor, you’ve been in charge for 5 minutes and you’re already making rules about ice cream? And let me tell you something my American doctor friend. It’s NEVER too early for ice cream.”

He was duly chastised.

He opened the door to his office and saw his new chair had been delivered. It was old and brown and leathery, and it was exactly like the one his old mentor had sat in the entire time he had known him. It was an homage of sorts, but also a reminder that others had paved the way for him to take this particular seat. He settled in and embraced his new role as a teacher and a mentor.

He had come a long way to be here.

Chapter 45

The next day he woke up with a slight headache and realized he still had a long walk ahead of him. It was roughly a 4 mile trip straight up the mountain, and he knew it would test him physically and emotionally. Still, his awakening from the previous evening lingered with him, and he looked forward to seeing something beautiful today.

He walked with a new sense of vigor, energized from his experience the night before, and more physically fit in general from regular exercise and hiking.

As he rounded the first significant bend, he saw rolling green hills as far as the eyes could see. It was a stunning site comparable in scope to Ireland or Scotland, and he once again found himself welling up with tears. His emotions were still raw and close to the surface, and he was enjoying every moment of the walk, despite the physical hardship.

The last mile of the hike consisted of a billy-goat like climb up iron rungs, until a person couldn’t walk any further. He laughed and thought about an old Huey Lewis song as he climbed called “Jacob’s Ladder.” He wasn’t climbing to heaven exactly, but he was climbing to someplace pretty great.

When he finally reached the top he found a secluded spot and looked out at the sea and the hills and the countryside. The blend of all of these striking natural features was quintessential New Zealand, and he thought about how lucky he was to be here. On this day he had been in New Zealand exactly one year, and for the first time fully realized he had made a wonderful decision. Sprawled out before him was life. His life. Beautiful, adventurous, sometimes tragic, and sometimes magical. But uniquely his. 

He was grateful for the time he had been given.

Chapter 44

The next weekend he drove to the Coromandel, a lovely area a couple of hours south of Auckland with rolling hills against the backdrop of crystal blue ocean water. He wanted a place to think with a clear mind away from the distractions of the city, and he had decided to take a rigorous hike to the top of The Pinnacles, a mountain peak where you could see for miles in each direction.

He checked into a modest hotel in the city of Thames, which was a gateway city to the Coromandel and close to the start of the trailhead where he would begin tomorrow’s trek. He saw a sign advertising a band playing at the hotel that evening, and he made a note to check it out.

He was the first one in the bar that evening and saw the band setting up. He noticed the singer wearing a Nirvana shirt underneath a red flannel button down, and he found himself traveling back in time to Seattle in the 90’s, when he had lived through the Nirvana era first hand. It was the 2^nd time in recent memory he had blasted by an image from his past, and he reminded himself to look for signs and be attuned to and aware of the synchronicity of things.

The set was everything he had hoped it would be, with classic jams from Pearl Jam, Nirvana, The Foo Fighters, and other such tunes from his misspent youth. He found himself in a generous mood, and soon began purchasing drinks and making new friends quickly. He was a sucker for a good sing-a-long.

Towards the end of the evening, the band switched gears and played an old Grateful Dead song that completely froze him at an intersection between his past and his present. It was called “Box of Rain,” and it was a song written by Phil Lesh about his dying father, celebrating the fleeting nature of time. He listened to the words and sang along,

“It's just a box of rain
I don't know who put it there
Believe it if you need it
or leave it if you dare
But it's just a box of rain
or a ribbon for your hair
Such a long long time to be gone
and a short time to be there.”

He found himself crying as he reflected on the last line of the

 song. “Such a long long time to be gone and a short time you were there.” All of a sudden the joy and pain and beauty and randomness of life overwhelmed him, and he thought about the significance of how short life really was. Just yesterday he was a little boy climbing onto his roof in his little hometown dreaming about travel and adventure. Now he was a middle-aged man 10,000 miles away from home, singing and crying and laughing to a Grateful Dead song.

It was a true catharsis.

Chapter 43

The following Monday he was sitting in a meeting with his two bosses, two older gentlemen with a long history of practicing psychology in New Zealand. His presence had been requested in the email he received over the Christmas holiday, and he was curious as to what he was there to discuss. Work culture in New Zealand was much more “hands off” than America, which was something he was thus far very appreciative of.

“So John we’ll get right to the point, as we know you’ve got patients to get back to. The truth is we’ve been hearing a lot of things about your work from both your patients as well as your supervisees, and we’ve been thoroughly impressed.”

“Well thanks,” John replied. “Truthfully I didn’t know exactly how it would go moving so far from home, but so far I’ve found it all pretty seamless. People want a lot of the same things I think. To love and be loved. To be respected. To do something meaningful when they work. It’s pretty universal I guess.”

“Which brings us to why we’ve got you here,” the senior manager replied. “Regarding doing something meaningful with your work, we’d like to offer you a position where you would be in charge of supervising a number of our company’s clinicians. You seem to have a natural gift for teaching and the feedback we’ve gotten from our patients has also been exemplarily. We’d like you to take a much larger role in training our next generation of therapists. I know you’ve wanted to remain relatively anonymous, but it’s something we feel would be good for you and good for our younger clinicians.”

“Wow,” John replied. “I. Um. Well I didn’t really see this coming. It feels like the last year of my life has been a bit of a blur, but I certainly have enjoyed working and teaching again. Truthfully I wasn’t really prepared for this and would like to take some time to think about it. Is that okay? Please know I’m very honored and will think very seriously about this.”

“Of course John, of course. I know that it’s a lot to think about and you were clear when you started here that you wanted to remain behind the scenes. But if I may say so, a talent like yours deserved to be shared, and I’d like to challenge you to think about why you got into this field in the first place.”

“I will. I certainly will,” John replied. “And again, thank you so much. How about I take a week and we’ll talk again. Is that fair?”

“Of course John. Take a week. It’s a big decision and we really hope you’ll say yes.”

Chapter 42

Flying home from Rarotonga, John felt excited about the prospect of a new year. His time with Gao and all of his new friends had helped enlighten his perspective and improve his attitude. He thought about a quote he had on his dashboard as a young man on his first road trip, and thought about how true it still was for him. “We travel not to escape life, but for life not to escape us.”

Arriving home, he saw he had emails from Lisa, Amarita, his mother, as well as one from his boss. At this moment he was too drained to read any of them, and put on It’s a Wonderful Life instead. It was an old Christmas tradition and he enjoyed the larger message. Each life touches so many others.

At the end of the movie, and after thinking about all of the things he had seen in Rarotonga, he decided it was important that he call and skype with his mother. He didn’t want to take the family and people in his life for granted, and vowed to make more of an effort. His time on the island had reminded him of that.

“Well if it isn’t the prodigal son!” his mother said as her face appeared on the screen.

“Hey mom. Merry Christmas! Sorry if I’m a little late,” he said.

“A little late?” she asked. “I didn’t know if I was ever going to hear from you again.”

“I know and I’m sorry. I guess I’ve just been adjusting to my new life here and in the hustle and bustle kind of forgot there were still people back home. Anyway, how are you? How was your holiday?”

“My holiday was fine and everyone on this end is fine. Everyone asks about things you know. How you are, what your new life is like. Are you really never coming home again?”

“Well to tell you the truth I’ve recently had a bit of an experience that made me rethink things like family and commitment and the past. There are still a lot of things I’m not quite ready to face back home, but I did have an idea and I wanted to talk to you about it.’

“Okay,” she said. ‘I’m intrigued. What did you have in mind?”

“Well I know you don’t fly, so coming over here is probably not an option. But I would like to see you, and like I say, I want to start appreciating family a little more. So let me ask you. What’s on your bucket list? Where would you go if money and time were no object and you could do whatever you wanted?”

“And, you, my son, are the genie that is in a position to grant me this wish?” she asked with a laugh.

“Let’s just say I’ll make the time,” he replied. “And I don’t care about the money. So I’ll ask you again. Where would you like to go?”

He saw from the screen that she had begun to cry, and it made him sad as well. Whatever he had done and however he had hurt her, he wanted to make it right, so he was willing to be patient now.

“Well you know, when I was a younger woman I went to San Francisco and rode the cable cars. The San Francisco treat! Remember that? I went to Fisherman’s Wharf and walked across the Golden Gate Bridge on a foggy day, and I never, ever forgot it. So I guess I would go there. I’m 70 now and my health isn’t so great anymore, and I’d love to do all of that one more time.”

“Well alright then!’ he replied. “It’s settled then. In three months time we’ll meet in San Francisco and we can do anything you want. So, what do you say?”

“Well truthfully I would like nothing more,” she said. “I love you son. I hope you always know that. No matter how far away you are."

“I love you too mom."

“Even if I haven’t been very good at saying and showing it.”