Chapter 35

She pulled up in her shiny BMW and ran into his arms for a hug. Despite his resolve to stand firm in this meeting, he felt like putty in her arms seeing and touching her again. As Sun Tzu said, “Every plan is perfect until the enemy attacks.”

They took a moment to take in the view as the sun began to set. It was one of the nicest spots in the city, and it might have been a perfect moment under different circumstances. He felt her grab his hand and he didn’t resist.

“So nice to see you doctor,” she said. “I wasn’t sure where we went from Sydney but I know I’ve been dying to see you again. And I must admit, I would have been happy to meet at your house or a hotel or something. What made you chose this place?”

“This was the first place I came when I moved to Auckland actually. And do you know what made me move here? I never told you this but it was you. Our time together in Castle Point was like a glimpse of what life could be. I made the decision right then and there to reconnect with people again and decided to move to the city. And yet here you are. There’s a strange synchronicity to it all actually. Except for one thing. You aren’t available to me. Not completely.”

In response to that she grabbed his head with both of her hands and held his face. She pulled him into a long kiss and he didn’t resist. It was hard to fight the physical attraction, and he wasn’t even sure he could. She was here. She was present and she wanted him. This beautiful woman wanted him. Why fight it?

And then the voice came back to him.

No more rationalizations.

“Look,” he said as he pulled away from her. “I would like nothing more in the world than to hold you and kiss you and undress you, and I’ve been thinking of little else since we saw each other. But the problem is it wasn’t just a physical thing for me. It’s there between us. In every way. I know it and you know it. But I don’t want to go on knowing we’re hurting someone else. I just don’t.”

“Look doc. I feel like I’ve explained myself a number of times now, and I feel like I may be repeating myself now. What do you want to hear? That I feel the connection too? That I think about you all the time? I do! I never knew you moved here because of me, but can’t you see that it isn’t a coincidence? Didn’t you write a whole book about this stuff?"

“Yea, I did actually,” he said with a laugh. “And it was really nice to hear you say all of that. And God to I hate to be a buzzkill here. But there’s still the elephant in the room here we haven’t talked about. Your fiancé. What are we going to do about that? What are you going to do about that?”

“Look John. If you’re giving me an ultimatum, then I have to tell you, I won’t be put on the spot like that. I want to be with you, I really do. But again. It’s complicated right now. But can you look me right in the eye. Really look at me, and say you don’t want to make love to me? Right here and right now?”

He thought a long time about the question as he turned away from her and looked at the gorgeous green hills in the half-light of the sunset. It was a very mindful moment in his life and he wanted to make a decision with his whole heart and mind.