Chapter 32

He woke up in Auckland hospital and looked around. He looked down at his legs and saw that everything seemed to be intact, which he took as a good sign. Whatever had happened, he seemed to be mostly still together.

Later the doctor came in and explained that he had suffered a concussion after being hit by a van, which all came back to him as he heard the story. A Van. An older Asian woman not paying attention. And now he was here.

The doctor asked him if there was anyone he should call, and he thought for a moment about the question. His mother was his first thought, but she was 10,000 miles away and he didn't want to worry her, especially since it looked like he would live. Even still, being in a hospital room alone had a strange way of shining a light on a person’s current situation.

As he was lying there, he thought about how it was that he got here. He was a long way from home, and he traveled light and traveled alone. What if things had been worse? If the accident had been fatal? Who would be around to notice?

He recognized this as a depressive thought, and tried to balance it with a more reasonable alternative. Mostly he was okay being on his own, although he certainly felt lonely sometimes. It hadn’t occurred to him that New Zealand might be his final stand however, and this close call had made him a bit more philosophical about his particular place in the world right now.

He was a man in his 40’s now and there was still a lot ahead of him, scooter accidents notwithstanding. His crystal ball was a little cloudy right now, and for the most part he was okay with that and content to take life as it came.

He thought about his old mentor Dr. Paul, and how he had spent the last 20 or so years of his life on his own. After the death of his wife his work had deepened, and he has used his own pain and suffering to become a truly masterful therapist. Was that his destiny as well?

He also knew his old mentor has a tendency towards the bottle in those later years, and he knew he had some of those same bad habits. Alfred Adler had posited that alcoholism was a result of the avoidance of the life tasks, which he identified as love, friendship, and work. For Dr. Paul there was work and then scotch, and maybe some jazz. He wasn’t sure that was enough for him.

On the other hand the work he had done had affected thousands of people, which was a powerful responsibility and a kind of immortal legacy to leave behind in the world. A therapist of Dr. Paul’s caliber truly changed lives, and John wondered if he might ascend to this same level of mastery.

But there were women in his life that continued to come and go. There always had been, and it was something he had been thinking more about. Was he capable of settling down again? Embracing commitment?

His accident had been a wake up call, and he realized his thoughts were trending in a lonely and isolated direction. He made a deal with himself to identify some more goal oriented and meaningful ways of connecting with the world. Historically he had turned to whatever women may be available to him as well as alcohol when he was in this mindset, but he was trying to be more mindful about how his actions affected others.

His next moves would require a little more thoughtfulness.