Chapter 33

The next morning he had an interview scheduled with Radio New Zealand on the relationship between depression and the change in seasons, which was a subject he had a great deal of personal experience with. He was intimately acquainted with the ebbs and flows of seasonal affective disorder, as 20 years of battling with Chicago winters had consistently tested his resolve.

He felt a tinge of nervousness doing media appearances again, as he had thus far flown under the radar during his time in New Zealand. In what felt like a lifetime ago, he appeared on a number of major television shows in the US, and as a young man he envisioned himself as another Dr. Drew or one of the rest of the high profile media psychologists.

Somewhere along the way he discovered that one to one work was much more gratifying, as his research and work on the relationship between fame, humor, celebrity, and coping had led him to some unexpectedly dark places. As Nietzsche said, “Those who battle monsters should beware that they themselves don’t become monsters.” It had been strangely prophetic regarding his past brushes with fame.

His research on the subject of seasonal affective disorder led him to consider the transitional nature of the human experience. Everything about us as human beings was in transition. All of our thoughts, feelings, and life experiences were all simply stops along a journey to something else. Depression could be a particularly stubborn kind of transition, but much like the tides that rolled in and out with the moon, it was usually something that came and went with the passage of time.

His reading led him to some ideas on Buddhist thought and meditation that he hadn’t considered for some time. At various times in his life he had turned to the Buddhists for comfort, and he found that reading some of his old materials was like getting reacquainted with an old friend. He read-

‘Most people assume that meditation is all about stopping thoughts, getting rid of emotions, somehow controlling the mind. But actually it’s about stepping back, seeing the thought clearly, witnessing it coming and going.’

“Witnessing it coming and going.” A good way of looking at intrusive and negative thoughts, and perhaps a good way of visualizing the nature of time and transition. He thought about Siddhartha, one of the first books he ever fell in love with, and how he used to sit at the river by his house and think and read about all of these grand ideas.

He was in a calmer space now as he prepared to get back into the media arena. It was only radio, but in New Zealand it was a pretty big deal, and he knew it might attract some attention.

He wanted to be fully present for it. His mind had been wandering a bit lately, and messiness in life often ensued from there.